Learnng How Not To Be A Victim: The Rest Of The Story

Phew! Computer internet is finally working again! Sorry about that, everyone. We've changed from Brighthouse to AT&T and, for whatever reason, most of last week I either wasn't able to get on-line or I was able to get on for VERY short periods of time..... as in, open up, log in, click on a site, freeze up, control/alt/delete/task manager/shut down program (no, do NOT send a message to AOL) and try to get on again only to repeat the WHOLE THING OVER AGAIN!!!
Why, no.... I'm not AT ALL FRUSTRATED by the whole thing. Why do you ask?  0.0

Anyway, here is the rest of my e-mailed interview with Mr. Richard Ray and I'm sure, should anyone be brave enough to ask the scary man a question, he'd be glad to answer (nah, he's not THAT scary! he used to pretend to catch the invisible bullets with his teeth whenever we shot at him with our invisible guns. ~~ What... we were in college!)

(Part II)

I had surgery a couple months ago but I've been released by my doctor to do whatever I feel I can do, physical activity-wise. However, I'm finding there are things I FEEL I can do and things I CAN do. If I wanted to join one of your classes and told you this, how would this be handled?


First I would want to know your limitations. Assuming they are within reason, I would encourage you to start learning at a moderate pace and use common sense when it comes to rest or restriction, and that you must notify me immediately if you feel any ill effects during class. Learning martial arts or self-defense is a marathon, not a sprint. Pace yourself, and you will see better results.

Have you - or anyone you know personally - taught someone with a physical disability? What would your advice be to someone with a disability of any type who still wanted to take martial arts?

Yes. I have taught students in wheelchairs, a student with only one arm, students who are visually impaired, and quite a few with “bad knees”. Seek out an instructor who understands your challenges and has the patience to adapt his curriculum to your needs. Seek a multi-faceted art – one that could offer several solutions to a given situation.
If your typical Josephine Average ended up in a situation where she were attacked - in spite of taking every precaution she can - what will she bring to the situation from taking self defense or a martial arts class, other the obvious "I know how to hit, now" mentality most people think of?

Mental strength is at least as important as physical strength, and possibly more important. Practicing regularly in class develops mental and physical responses. The aggressor often is planning that the victim will be paralyzed by fear the first few moments of confrontation; when this does not happen, his plan falls apart and he must form a new plan – while he is being hit.

I asked about an age limit for kids, what about adults? I'm asking from the point of view of a 42 year old woman who's thinking "I don't heal as easily as my 22 year old self." There's also the "Everyone's SO much younger than me! This is embarrassing." factor.

This is why I separate kids and adults, among other reasons. I also designed a curriculum which is fairly easy for the typical “Josephine Average” to understand and practice. The curriculum gradually gets more challenging but is always built on the previous accomplishments.

What should someone look for in a class? In an instructor? What should they walk away from?

First decide why you want to study martial arts. Then do some research – the internet makes this thousands of times easier than 20 years ago. Find out which styles suit your purpose and physical limitations (if any). Be prepared to drive up to an hour for the right class for you – don’t join a school because it’s the closest or the cheapest.
My description of the ideal instructor would be a cross between a bank president and a drill instructor. He should be professional at all times, disciplined, intelligent, have your best interest in mind but willing to push you farther than you think you can go. He will be strict and unforgiving regarding sloppy attitude or technique, but encouraging and positive if he senses you are foundering. He will use negative feedback sparingly but will not hesitate when it is necessary. He will not ask you to do something that he cannot do or has not done himself. He will not deliberately embarrass you in class but he will not allow foolishness either.

There is a fine line between arrogance and confidence; the ideal instructor will always be seen as confident by deserving people.

Walk away from schools that promote students on attendance alone, schools that require immediate long term contracts (one year or more), classes where the students are sloppy, lazy, or undisciplined, instructors who are overly friendly or overly harsh, schools that require tournament competition in order to be promoted (if your goal is self-defense), be wary of schools/instructors who “guarantee” anything. I make one guarantee to my students: I will teach you to the best of my ability. Everything else is up to you.

I personally disapprove of schools which allow students to call instructors by their first name, delegate the title “sensei” or “master” to any black belt student, use music and “positive thinking” as a primary motivation for students, push long term contracts, allow the student to choose the color and type of uniform, and generally treat the training program as if it were any other after school activity or hobby.

Any final advice you'd like to give?

There are several more modern phenomena that warrant discussion:

Aerobic kickboxing classes like Tae Bo©, etc., are excellent for cardio vascular training, but do not confuse this with self-defense. My personal observation is that most of these classes are taught by cardio instructors who have little or no knowledge of self-defense.

MMA, or Mixed Martial Arts is extremely popular now. It is without a doubt, a workout with actual self-defense skills being taught. However, the emphasis is still brutal competition, and may not be suitable for “Josephine Average” or even “Joe Average”. In general, I disapprove of this type of training for children – it is much too brutal and lacks the inherent discipline of traditional martial arts.

You may also find schools/clubs which do not teach traditional martial arts; instead they emphasize self-defense only. They should be analyzed individually. They may be a scam (any instructor who says you can make a black belt master putty in your hands in just a few short lessons is lying), or they may be just right for you. Krav Maga, an Israeli Defense Force based style of self-defense, is quite popular now. While I have no first hand knowledge of KM, I understand there are at least five major “divisions” or organizations promoting this system. Some may be the real deal, some may be a watered down, unauthorized version of the original combat system. Do your homework.

Last piece of advice – physical skills take physical practice from an accomplished instructor. Do not buy video tapes or DVDs and think that watching them will give you all the knowledge you need. Watching videos no more prepares you for self defense than X-Box 360 prepares you for NASCAR (yes, I have teens in my home).

I could watch a baby being born on the Discovery channel – do you want me to deliver your next baby?

Self Defense: Learning Not To Be A Victim

I struggled a little over which blog to post this on, but this one is my slightly more serious of the two and this can be a serious subject, so I chose this one.
Self Defense, what is it about?
Being a victim, how do you avoid that?
This isn't about never being a victim, this is about learning to do everything you can to avoid becoming a victim, about learning what you can to minimize what happens if you are attacked. And, no, this isn't just for women, although I seem to focus my questions on the female perspective (well... I am female, after all!). Men can end up in situations where they become victims, too. We just don't talk about it because, well, they're men!  Men should automatically be able to take care of themselves. Right?
Wrong! There are some very evil people in this world and they go out of their way to come up with ways, plans, and means to victimize others and they don't care if the victim is male or female (though it seems women are more victimized, but maybe because it's more often in the news).  Sometimes, it's psychological, sometimes it's emotional, but the one most people end up facing is physical and that's the discussion we'll be having today.  I've had some jobs where the managers brought in police officers to give us advice on personal safety when, say, walking from a building (work, grocery, doctors' office, etc.) to your car in the parking lot.  Some of it is (to me) fairly obvious and common sensical; don't be digging in your purse for your keys as you walk, have them already in your hand (keep a couple of them between your fingers and the rest fisted in your hand, this provides a pretty good make-shift weapon), be aware of your surroundings, keep your head up and be alert, the idea being a mugger or other attacker is less likely to go after someone who's alert and aware. Whenever possible, if you're walking from an office to your car at night for example, go with a co-worker or ask a security guard to escort you and make sure your car starts before leaving you.
These are some common sense things we can all do to lessen our chances of  becoming victims, but that doesn't mean it can't happen. So. What will you do should it happen to you?  Well, I've got a few ideas. I've got friends who were in the military and have pointed out that, a) no matter how muscular an attacker may be, his throat is never protected by said muscle. It's vulnerable to a sharp blow of any kind and strength, the gag reflex alone could make him loosen his grip. Of course, that's assuming you're lucky enough to be facing said attacker.
And, b) knees and the instep are vulnerable to a good kick or stomp. But, again, that's dependent on several factors. Not the least of which is that you can keep your head and think about how to react to an attack in a way that will help you escape.  And that's where the problem comes in.  Most of us don't spend time thinking about how we're going to react if we're attacked by a mugger or, God forbid, a rapist.  We think about what we're going to do for lunch at work the next day, brown bag it or buy?  We think about how we're going to deal with traffic and which is likely the best route to whatever our destination is.  If we have a husband and kids, and happen to be that busiest of women, a stay at home mom, we're thinking about what our kids need to eat, when we need to pick up our husbands' dry cleaning and whether or not it's worth driving that extra 15 miles for a sale (it usually is!). We're not spending any of that time thinking about "By the way, what if, while I'm at that sale that's an extra 15 miles away, I'm attacked by someone intent on dragging me into a dark alley? What should I do?"
Well, here's a suggestion, take a class in self defense. Yes, learn to fight! Taking self defense classes ~ or even learning martial arts ~ is not about learning how to be violent, it's about learning how NOT to be a victim.  There is a difference. And it teaches your body muscle memory. What you learn in a class will translate into an actual confrontation automatically, whether that's how to avoid it or how to deflect it. Your mind and body have already learned in a safe, classroom situation what to do and how to do it. In that not-so-safe real world situation, the reaction of personal safety is automatic and unthinking and it takes an attacker completely by surprise because he was expecting a frightened, frozen victim and not a fighting, ferocious defender!
And, what about your children, if you're a parent?  What do you teach them about what to do if someone should want to grab them? This actually happened to me when I was about 12, at a time when it was somewhat safer for kids... someone wanted to get me close enough to grab and pull into his car... thank God my parents had talked to me about what to do, run away. But, what if he'd decided to chase me down instead of driving away as fast as I was running away from him?  What would I have done?  At 12, I had no knowledge of how to defend myself except to kick and scream and maybe try to bite.  That might have been enough.  I'll never know, and thank God that I didn't have to find out. 
But, what if I had? 
What if your kids have to?
What will they do?
What if you do?
What will you do?
Martial arts, and even self defense classes, teach you how to avoid, deflect or confront that violence (even a kid, to some degree, and that will be covered further into this particular lesson).  But, the only thing most of us know about martial arts is what we learned from Mr. Miyagi in "Karate Kid" or Jackie Chan in anything that's come out in the last five years!  There's more to martial arts than comedy or "breath in through nose, out through mouth!"  Fortunately, I not only have known a few people in the martial arts community over the years, I recently got reacquainted with one I hadn't seen since college and he agreed to be my "expert" and let me interview him about martial arts (didn't know what he was getting into! haHA!)  Good news/bad news: Good news is, I asked a LOT of questions and he (poor man) took the time to answer them all. Bad news, I asked a LOT of questions and he (poor, poor man) answered them all so there's a LOT of information and I'm going to have to break this into at least two blogs since I have NO  intention of editing out any portions of his answer. 



Teaching a student how to retain their
weapon when attacked

 

Richard Ray has been practicing and teaching martial arts for over 25 years. He has owned or operated half a dozen schools and has taught thousands of students of all ages and abilities. He currently holds a sixth degree black belt in karate, a fifth degree black belt in kenpo, and a kyosei menkyo (instructor certificate) in kenjutsu.

 Mr. Ray is a former police officer, a current licensed Personal Protection Officer (bodyguard), and a tactical firearms instructor. He has conducted operations and training in the US, Mexico, and South America. He currently teaches martial arts privately, civilian firearms courses, and is a subject matter expert on training private security and executive protection specialists.

In your opinion, is there a difference between "self defense" and "martial arts"? If so, give me a synopsis of what that would be.


In our culture, “martial arts” generally refers to a cataloged system of offensive and/or defensive movements with some kind of reward to mark achievement (the most recognizable of these rewards is a black belt). The vast majority of schools or clubs teach martial arts as self-defense or as a sport, although you may find a few who teach traditional movements as a cultural exercise, a philosophy, or for health benefits.


By strict definition, “martial arts” means “war arts”. Technically, war and self-defense are two very different concepts; war is “kill or be killed” and self-defense is using enough force to stop an aggressor but no more.


So, the answer to your question is yes, there is a difference, but I am splitting hairs. For the purpose of this discussion, the only difference would be whether or not the “martial arts” school emphasizes sport techniques or actual confrontation techniques.

Many women are going to look at the "fighting" in martial arts and say "Oh, I could never hurt someone" or "I think fighting is wrong" or even "something like this just encourages violence." What is your response to this type of thinking?

“I could never hurt someone" – Really? Imagine for a moment that someone attempts to kidnap your child…the difference will not be in what you believe, but in what you are capable of doing.


“I think fighting is wrong” – I have yet to meet a victim of violence, woman or man, who believed this. When people say this, I think they mean, “lashing out physically from anger or frustration is wrong”. I would agree with that statement.


"…something like this just encourages violence." - Since Cain killed Abel, violence has existed on Earth. Abel did nothing to provoke Cain, yet Cain became jealous and killed him. Violence does not go away because one abhors it; pretending otherwise will certainly condemn this person to being a victim. Given that violence exists and that we cannot make it go away, the question is, how will we deal with it? You have three choices: avoid it, deflect it, or confront it.


Granted, violence is not always the best answer, but it is the final answer to aggressive confrontation. Ask David, as he set out to confront Goliath

How about children? Do you recommend an age limit for how young they start martial arts or is it more of an emotional maturity?




Mr. Ray's student performs
a round house kick



To be sure, emotional maturity is important. Equally important are the quality of the instructor and the involvement of the parents. Children are never too young to learn discipline, respect, and manners; however, there are certain self-defense moves that are best taught as children mature, and some only suitable for adults. Parents must monitor the actions of their kids, encourage them to follow the principles of the martial arts, and conference with the instructor should there be any indication of poor behavior.

I have taught kids as young as four years old, but I prefer them to be at least five years old, and even then they should be in a separate class from older kids, and have an age-specific curriculum.

I can hear some mother somewhere saying "Not MY son! I don't want him to turn into a brute who settles things with his fists!" Your response to that?

See above paragraph about Cain and Abel – tell me truly, if Abel was your son, would you prefer to watch him be killed, or would you prefer he stand up for his right to life and well being? Many people, including me, started learning martial arts out of fear – there was no desire to be a brawler or bully. Living in fear cripples your life and your ability to enjoy it. Also it is important to understand: the more your aggressor understands your willingness to confront violence, the more likely it is that you can avoid or deflect it.

I once heard of a woman who stated girls "learning to fight" (as in learning martial arts) turned them into "she-hulk-wanna-be's with something to prove." Do you think that's what happens?

No. I have never witnessed this in over 25 years of training thousands of students of all ages. I have, however, seen young girls and women transform from victims with low self-esteem into strong, confident women who know that they do not have to be a victim any longer. These women radiate feminine strength and beauty; most people they meet do not know why, but they can sense it.


I suspect that women who make the “she-hulk wanna-bes” statements are using that as an excuse; I suspect that truly, they wish they had the knowledge and ability to be self-reliant, as my students have.

You once said "kids should eventually train with adults, once they have the skills to deal with kids their own size." I know what's going through the "not-my-kids" Mom's mind, so can you be more specific about what you mean by "deal with kids their own size."

Perhaps I should have said, “… bullies or attackers their own size.” And to be clear, the context of that statement was specifically about learning self-defense. Why would a child need to learn self-defense? Because of bullies or aggressors their own age/size, or adult predators. It is not reasonable to think that a six year old can physically fight off an adult male. However, he may be able to out smart him, draw the attention of other adults, and it lays a foundation for future training as an adult. If your goal is for your child to avoid or escape adult predators, they should practice with trained adult participants.



Sticking with kids a moment, do you have an opinion on when kids should start learning to handle (as in use) weapons?





Mr. Ray teaching kenjutsu
(Japanese sword) to students

  There is no need for kids to learn weapons for self-defense. However, traditional martial arts weapons practice can teach coordination, strength, speed, timing, and focus. Kids should not train with sharp weapons and should always be supervised when handling practice weapons. Usually by the teens, they are mature enough to learn weapons.

(end of part 1 of interview... part 2 in a few days)

A Warriors' Voice

Okay, I'm going to be a bit lazy tonight. I do have things I want to say about the SEALs who took out the pirates (GO SEALs!!! ~ Yes, I'm very pro-military!), but I don't have it all the way I want it, yet. I'm working out the wording and the point (when I write, I usually put pen to paper and, literally, go with the flow). So, until then, I am posting this.... well, I guess you'd call it an essay. It's from my writing.com page and it's not meant in any way to speak for a Warrior. It's simply my take on what a Warrior might say, given the opportunity. But, decide for yourselves:

A Warriors' Voice

Look at me.

No, look me in the eyes.

Don’t pretend you don't see or hear me. You had a question. I heard you ask it and because of that I’m the one who gets to answer so don’t stand there and ignore me, don’t avert your eyes and don’t pretend to care when you don’t understand what these crosses really stand for.

Not yet, you don’t.

But you will.

You wanted to know why we chose to join the military. Why we chose to fight. Why we chose to go to a far away country and, I believe your words were, "invade it." That’s what got my attention, what got all our attention.

That one little word.

Invade.

As if we chose to go to war. As if war is our fault. It isn’t. I don’t care which war you’re asking about, none of the wars were our fault. But, there were actions that required an answer. A firm, decisive, line-drawn-in-the-sand answer. The enemy didn’t quite believe that line was real, so he not only stepped over it he tried to obliterate it and anyone near it in the process.

Oh, yes, there’s an enemy and it isn’t me or my fellow Warriors. We’re not the ones who killed women and children in the name of “purification of the human race.” We’re not the ones who strapped bombs to the bodies of our youth and sent them out to kill themselves in the name of some god who hates us because we don’t believe in him.

We’re the ones who kept those killers from these shores.

You watch the news and you see what they want you to but you miss the good things we do.

The toys we hand out.

The medicines we dispense.

The smiles and hugs freely given.

The games played with children who don’t get to play much anymore.

The child cuddled because the Madman shot and killed her entire family and she’s sobbing for a mother she doesn’t understand won’t ever again come to hold her.

That’s what the media doesn’t show you. That’s what we fought and still fight for.

You still don’t get it, do you? Maybe I, we did our jobs a little too well. Because we chose to fight the Madman, we’ve been able to keep him from our shores… well, mostly. You’ve suffered some deprivation, you’ve grieved over lives lost, but you haven’t really suffered.

Not really.

Yes, I get to say that to you. I get to say that because I and my fellow Warriors have suffered. Suffered to keep the Madman away from you. In heat, cold, rain, snow, whether we were sick or well, hurt or whole. It didn’t matter. Wherever he was or is we’ll go there to fight him.

But, it’s not just for you we fight. Sure, we want him to stay far, far away from the homes of our loved ones. Even from those who hate us for the job we chose to do. But, we also fight for the innocents. You’re not the only ones who should be free from senseless death and genocide. You’re not the only ones whose children should feel free to run the streets and scream with laughter instead of fear.

Do you see, now? Do you understand, yet?

We didn’t “invade” anywhere for personal gain but, rather, to liberate those under the oppressive heel of tyranny. The places we’ve gone, the lives that were lost, it was a choice we made. One we knew might mean our deaths.

One that did mean my death.

But, it was a choice that needed to be made. One I would make all over again, even knowing the suffering I’ll go through when I’m shot. Even knowing the emotional pain my family will have to live with, I’d make that choice again.

We all would.

You see, because we made that choice, and even though our families grieved and grieve for us still, they are Free.

They cried when they received word that we’d died in battle.

But they received it in Freedom.

They cried and held each other as they watched our coffins lowered into the ground, the graves marked by these simple white crosses.

But they clung together, and in Freedom.

Our families have not been separated and interred in prison camps or forced into slave labor or killed simply because they didn’t fit the Madman’s imagined “perfect” human because we chose to defend that Line-In-The-Sand against the Madman.

It’s a hard choice. It’s made harder still by those who call us “war criminals” simply because we stand up to the school-yard bully. That’s exactly what he is, too. A bully. He runs and hides when we step up to defend that Line. He won’t face us in honest battle. But, instead of crying out against the Madman, we are denigrated for trying to stop him and protect you. It makes a hard job harder still.

Especially for our loved ones.

You certainly don’t want to hear that someone's told your family you are a "tool of the military industrial complex" or a "warmongering psychopath brute," do you? Yet, so many of you do just that to ours. You upset our parents and spouses who already worry about us. You scare our children into thinking we’re blood-thirsty monsters. We’re fighting to keep you free, too, you know.

Instead of calling us names and deriding our choice to defend your freedom, think about what would happen if we weren’t there.

Think about what would happen if the Madman won because we gave up.

Think about the Freedom you have and then imagine it gone if you didn’t have us to defend it.

Defend it with our blood.

Defend it with our very lives.

Now…

Now…

Now you can cry.

But, don’t cry for us.

We chose this life that we knew might mean death.

No, don’t cry for us.

Cry for those who still don’t understand these crosses.

Cry for those who refuse to see we fight because we love you more than ourselves.