Thursday, December 17, 2009

It Doesn't Come With Meat.... 0,o*

Hummm.... okay, let's start by saying, we've all said, and done, dumb things. Some of 'em we've caught (and corrected) before anyone else points 'em out (or laughs too hard at us) and some just slide right on by, usually because no one wants to be the one to point it out.... like the time a visiting speaker meant to say "context" and, instead, said "kotex". You could hear the brief, aborted and assorted strange noises the women all made as we tried to contain our instant reaction because that poor man never did realize what he'd said.

Then, there was the visiting missionary from Australia who was giving his salvation testimony. He's a very large man, roughly six and a half feet tall, brawny and he was a fighter before God got ahold of him. I don't mean in a ring, I mean in bars. His wife came to the Lord first and a lady from her church would pick her up every service. This (now) dear man told that lady if she ever showed up at his home again (they lived in hi-rise apartments) he'd throw her from the balcony. Well, praise God, he got saved during the week that followed that threat and when that brave lady showed up again to take his wife to church, the man was there to meet her, arms wide as he prepared to tell her he was saved. As he explained it, in fear of her life (she really believed he was going to throw her from the balcony) she took a step back from him.

Now, this great man of God was reenacting this as he was telling us about the event. In doing so, he also took a step back as she would have. In her situation, there was an elevator at her back. In his situation, on the platform of our church, there was a modesty rail that reached to just above his knees. He bumped into it, lost his balance enough that he sat on it, started to rise, realized he still didn't have his balance and abruptly sat back down, then slooooooooowly tipped over backwards. There was a church-wide gasp as he tilted over and landed behind the rail, one foot lying beside the end of it, the other still propped on top.

As we realized the man was laughing, we, too, began to giggle just as the associate pastor went up to help the missionary. Realizing the man was (by now) howling, the AP took a step back.... right into the American flag which sits on our platform. Another church-wide gasp follows as the flag slowly tilts in the other direction and, before the AP can catch it, lands on the keyboard bench (fortunately, it never touched the ground!). By now, the whole place is in an uproar as we howl and gasp for air right along with the missionary. Needless to say, it took a long while before we were able to get back to the point of the sermon.

Now, these are things that happen infrequently (which I'm sure these men are grateful for). Circumstances, a lack of awareness of surroundings or the mouth getting ahead of the brain can all lead to these types of events.

Then, there are the moments that simply prove no brains whatsoever were involved in the making of these incidents.

We all have howlers about dealing with those young people in the food "service" department, bless their hearts!

(aside) I have a friend who firmly believes.... as in tongue firmly in cheek! ....that you can say anything about someone as long as you add "bless their heart" in the sentence (snerk!)

Anyway, as I was saying, we've all dealt with these people. Some of it is set up intentionally, like the time my Uncle Bill was at a Burger King and, when he went to pay for his order, groaned in mock worry and asked the young lady if they accepted out of state cash to which she promptly replied "No, I'm sorry, we don't."

O,o* (I'll let y'all think about that for a few............)

After some back and forth (during which she asked which state and Uncle replied "Arizona.") Uncle Bill finally said "Oh, here! Try this!" and handed her a $5 bill which she took without batting a lash. No, I'm sorry folks, she wasn't playing along. She truly thought Unc had finally found some IN state cash!

My own experiences were at a "Mac's Steak House" (some will get that) and a Jack In the Box...

The Mac's was at LAX, I ordered a sausage and egg McMuffin with cheese and was told that they didn't serve that. After a blank moment in which I'm sure I looked like a deer in headlights (I'd just ordered one at home the other day!) I asked the young lady what kind of McMuffins they did have? She began to list them and when she came to the sausage McMuffins...
Her: "Sausage McMuffin, Egg and Sausage McMuffin, Egg and Sausage McMuffin with cheese..."

Me: "Wait, I'm sorry, would you repeat those last 3 or 4?"
Her: "Sausage McMuffin, Egg and Sausage McMuffin, Egg and Sausage McMuffin with cheese..."
Me: "That's the one I want!"
Her: "Yes ma'am. Anything else?"
Me: "You do know that an Egg and Sausage McMuffin is the same thing as a Sausage and Egg McMuffin, right?"
Her: *** blank look ***

My most recent was at a Jack in the Box here in town. I'd been getting the sour dough breakfast combo (no meat) for several weeks on my way to work and one morning they had a new kid in the drive-thru window. When I placed my order, I heard;

Him: "Do you want bacon or ham with that?"
Me: (blank look at the speaker) Uhm, I wanted the sour dough breakfast combo with no meat."
Him: "Right. Did you want ham or bacon?"
Me: "Uhm... doesn't really matter. I don't want any meat."

Skip to the next day and a new new kid in the window.

Me: "Sour dough breakfast combo, no meat."
Her: "And do you want ham or bacon with that?"
Me: (I'm ready this time) "It doesn't matter, I don't want any meat."
Her: "Oh, it doesn't come with meat! It comes with ham or bacon!"

*blink* *blink* (really.... there's no way to end this, is there!?)